I Am Yours
by BabyKay47
Summary: When Arthur sees Guinevere again in Ealdor, they give in to their passion for each other, but Arthur still feels it's a mistake. My take on the aftermath of "Lancelot du Lac," which hopefully addresses the issues of trust that were raised and never fully realized on the show.
1. Chapter 1

Arthur slowly opened his eyes to a vision of ethereal beauty. It was the woman he had been longing for. At first he thought he was dreaming again, and then when he remembered that he had been injured he thought he was dead and this was heaven because surely he would only see her again when he was in heaven.

But then he sat up and the ache in his side as well as his heart reminded him that he was still painfully alive. But then that realization gave way to confusion because if he wasn't dead and wasn't dreaming, how could she be there with him? Despite Merlin's assurances, after finding her ring in the woods ownerless and lost, he had feared she was dead, and he would have had no one to blame but himself. Yet here she was, alive and well—or not well, but sad. She looked so sad and worried.

"Guinevere?"

"Yes, Arthur?"

"What are you doing here?"

"It's as good a place as any." She shrugged.

He reached up to cup her face, and she closed her eyes as if it pained her to have him so near. And perhaps it did, as it certainly pained him to touch her and want her so much still even after all the hurt she had caused.

Then she opened her eyes and brought her hand up to cover his own. "Oh, Arthur, I've missed you. And even though I have no right to feel so, I'm so glad you're here."

Arthur couldn't deny it, so he didn't even try. "I've missed you, too." Then he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her neck and savoring the feel of her arms wrapping around him. He missed her touch, and the feel of her pressed against him. He missed her smell and the softness of her hair tickling his nose. And he missed her kiss, the heat of her mouth and the wetness of her tongue.

He pulled back just enough to angle his mouth against hers and kiss her deeply, imbuing it with all the want and longing he had felt for her the past few weeks. And she returned his kiss, opening her mouth to allow his tongue to gently probe her, and showing him just how much she had longed for and missed him.

His hands wound themselves in her hair, and he broke from their kiss to press his lips to her skin along her jaw and her neck, down to her collarbone. He wanted to touch every part of her, to mark her skin with his heated kisses, to know her deeply and intimately as a husband might know a wife. He had been robbed of this knowledge before, by another man and his own wounded pride, but he didn't want to wait any longer. He needed to know that the woman he loved was his.

She knew what he wanted as soon as he started trailing kisses down her neck, and she knew that she wanted to give it to him, that all of their reasons for waiting before meant nothing now, and that if she could show him in some small way that she loved him, then she would do anything for him, especially since she wanted it herself.

* * *

After, when he turned to look at her, he found her face covered with hot tears. He was immediately filled with remorse that he could have hurt her with the forcefulness of his desire for her.

"Why are you crying, Guinevere?" he asked, his voice full of concern.

"Because I never thought I'd see you again—that we would ever have this. I'm so sorry, Arthur. I still don't understand what I was thinking, but it's only been you. It's only ever been you that I love. You have to believe me!"

Arthur sighed deeply and pulled her half on top of him so that he could bury his face into her neck. He kissed her there and held her tenderly, but his heart was full of turmoil. Knowing that she was waiting for some kind of response from him, eventually he told her. "That's the problem, Gwen. I don't know if I can trust anything you say. But I still want you. I still need you. I still..." Whatever he was about to say he thought better of it. Instead he continued, "I missed you, and I don't want to be without you." He kissed her on the mouth, and pulled her fully on top of him so that she was straddling him. His hands went to her waist and he massaged her hips. "I don't know if I can marry you. So will you still want me if we can never have more than this?"

Guinevere nodded sadly. "I understand. What I did was unforgiveable, but if we can have this," she said, stroking his chest and resting her hand on his heart, "then it will be more than I deserve. I love you, Arthur, and I want you any way that I can have you."

Arthur took her hand into his own, and with his other wrapped it around her nape and pulled her into another kiss. He didn't know what tomorrow would bring, but for now they would have this, and he intended on showing her how much he needed and wanted her with his mouth and his body.

* * *

They were interrupted from one of their lovemaking sessions when Merlin came barging in, warning that Agravaine's men had been spotted along the ridge and they needed to evacuate. He didn't acknowledge that they were naked, saving them both from embarrassment. They were quickly dressed, and then fleeing into the forest with Agravaine's men hot at their heels, but were saved when they managed to lose them in a series of tunnels in the mountains.

Once on the other side of the mountains they decided to make their way to the Forest of Ascetir, hoping that the Knights of Camelot and any other refugees might make their way there.

When the danger had passed, it gave Arthur the opportunity to think about what had happened last night. Whenever he looked at Guinevere he remembered what she looked like naked and trembling, and his loins would tighten. But then he also began to feel guilty, that he had taken advantage of her, had used her own sense of guilt to coerce her into giving up her virtue to him. And if he had gotten her with child? Would he force her to make her shame public? Or could he marry her even though he still wasn't sure if he could trust her?

He should never have touched her. He had had the right idea when he banished her. He didn't want to see her publicly humiliated, but he didn't know if he could publicly forgive her either. What she did had hurt too much, and humiliated him in front of his entire kingdom. He couldn't just forget that no matter how much he wanted to.

And to make his humiliation even more complete, he had been duped by his conniving uncle, driven from his kingdom by his ruthless sister, and was now being mocked by a self-righteous smuggler. He just wanted to bury his head in the sand and forget everything—the betrayals, the deceptions, the lies that he had been too blind to see through.

But then Guinevere was pulling on his arm, and the sight of her filled him with guilt and anger.

"Arthur—"

"What happened last night. It was a mistake. Whatever there was between us—it's broken. I can never trust you again." It would be easier to break things off now than continue and make things worse. It would be better for them both in the long run. He could only pray that she hadn't conceived after their one night together.

Tears welled up in her eyes at his harsh words, but she nodded in acceptance. "I understand. I just wanted to say to you that I believe in you. Don't listen to Tristan. He doesn't know you like I know you. Like your people know you. You are a good king. And I love you for it. We all do. Never forget that."

As she turned and walked away, stiffly and clearly hurt, he regretted what he said. He had never wanted to hurt her, and yet he could see no other way.

* * *

He approached her carefully, knowing that she was probably still smarting from the last time they had shared words. Since then he had avoided her, only seeing her once, at the sword in the stone, her standing with the other refugees and Knights lending him her support as she always had, and it had given him courage. But he had one last thing to say to her, a request knowing that their mission would be fraught with danger and he might die.

"Guinevere," he called out to her, and she turned around and looked him right in the eyes, her gaze filled with curiosity, and perhaps wariness? He released the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. "I want you to stay here."

She immediately shook her head and frowned. "You would have your men sacrifice themselves for you, why not let the women as well? There isn't a man or woman here who wouldn't willingly give their lives for you, why not let them? You'll need all the help you can get."

It was a similar conversation to the one they'd had many years ago in Ealdor, and she had been stubborn then as well. But he had to try. "I am humbled by their support, and I can only hope that I am worthy of it, but I'm not asking all of the women to stay behind. Only you."

"But Arthur…"

"I know that you are a good fighter, and you have the courage of any knight, but I cannot have you there. I would worry for your safety, and it might distract me."

"Surely my safety isn't so important to you. You have made it clear that I mean nothing to you. Our relationship was a mistake, and it's best that I stay away. And though that may be the case, I love you and have never stopped loving you, and if in death I might be able to show you how I feel, then it is my right. You may be the king, but you cannot take that away from me."

Arthur felt a tightness in his chest at her words. Whatever doubts he may have had about her love in the aftermath of her betrayal with Lancelot, her words had proven them wrong. He knew that she loved him, and would do anything for him, and she was right, he could not force her to stay here if she did not want to. But he gave it one last try. "What if you are with child? Would you put our child in danger just to help me?"

Guinevere's eyes widened with shock. To be true, she hadn't even thought about the possibility even though she was fully aware that their intimacies could have led to conception. "I…I do not think the possibility is likely. But even if it were, I do not think the small possibility is reason enough not to fulfill my duty to you. You need my help and I am able to give it. And even were I to stay here and you lost this battle my life would be forfeit anyway, because I would not want to live in a world without you in it."

Arthur sighed, knowing he had to give in. Even now—after everything—there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for her, and he could feel his resolve to keep his distance breaking already. If somehow they managed to survive and win back his kingdom, perhaps they could find a way to be together… "You are wrong, you know," he told her honestly. "You don't mean 'nothing' to me. You mean everything. And I never stopped loving you. Even when I hated you, I loved you still. I love you still…"

Tears pricked her eyes at his words, and she struggled with the implications. Even after the night they had spent together she had never dared hope that he still loved her. That he wanted her there could be no denying, but after what she did she knew she didn't deserve his love. And yet, here he was, declaring his feelings had never changed, and it gave her hope. But she couldn't forget what he had said earlier. As much as she wanted his forgiveness and to be with him, they were a mistake, and she couldn't help believing that as well. Nothing had really changed, but she could take comfort in his love, and if these were to be her last hours, she could die satisfied.

* * *

It happened so suddenly. Merlin and Tristan had gone after Morgana, while she and Isolde had stayed to help Arthur. She saw him disarmed and at Helios' mercy, so she stabbed him in the back before he could harm her King, but she hadn't expected him to strike back in the throes of his death. He turned quickly and swiped at an angle, getting her right in the chest. She fell backwards onto the floor, and was surprised that she didn't feel any pain.

She heard some cry out "No!" but it was as if he was shouting from the end of a long tunnel. She realized that she must be in shock, and perhaps she was dying. Then she felt herself being gathered into strong arms, and when she managed to focus she saw that it was Arthur and he was crying.

"You're going to be all right," he tried to reassure her, and she smiled at him.

"You're safe and that's all that matters to me." She reached up to cup his face in her hand. "Please don't cry for me."

"Just don't die on me and I promise I won't shed a tear."

She looked down and saw that her shirt was covered in blood. The slash seemed to go from her right collarbone down to her stomach, but she couldn't tell how bad it was. If she survived, she imagined it would need stitches, though, she thought rather clinically.

"I can't make any promises," she managed to creak. She felt weaker and weaker, probably from the blood loss. "But I think it's just a flesh wound."

Arthur cracked a smile through his tears. "That's my brave Guinevere." He kissed her brow. "Just stay with me. Help will be here soon. Merlin!" he shouted, looking around desperately.

"I'm here, my lord." And then he was at her side, and she felt immediately relieved. If Merlin was there, she would be fine. She just knew it. Then she promptly fainted.

* * *

A/N: The full smutty version of Arthur and Gwen's reunion sex is available on AO3. For some reason the only link on my profile that works at the moment is for Youtube, but my screenname is exactly the same, so you shouldn't have any problems finding it. Or you can PM if you'd like me to send you the full version.

Please let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

When she awoke because of the pain in her chest, she found herself in Arthur's chambers. She felt like she was on fire and every time she breathed the gash across her chest throbbed. She cried out, and was immediately greeted by Arthur's worried face as he sat on the bed beside her, and then Merlin joined him on her other side.

"Gwen, you're awake! Thank god!" Arthur exclaimed with relief.

"Are you in a lot of pain?" Merlin asked.

Gwen nodded. "But at least it lets me know I'm alive." She smiled weakly and was rewarded with a forehead kiss from Arthur.

Merlin got up to get something from the table which she presumed to be medicine, as Arthur continued to stare at her intently. Brushing sweaty curls from her forehead he told her, "You gave us quite a scare, but you were right. Merlin says you were lucky the cut wasn't very deep, and you ought to make a full recovery."

Merlin returned with a potion and asked Arthur to help her sit up so she could drink it. By the end of the ordeal she was crying from the pain of moving and felt exhausted, but the potion soon had its intended effect and she could relax. Arthur sat with her the whole time, watching her as she fell into slumber.

She spent the next few days like this, waking up when the medicine wore off and the pain became too much, but Arthur was always there, and if Merlin wasn't there to give her the potion, he would. Sometimes he would be at his desk going over paperwork, and he would lift his head and smile when he heard her stirring. Other times he would be in bed with her, not too close because he didn't want to disturb her, but he would sometimes wrap his hand around hers, or tangle his leg through hers so that they were always touching. He was a careful and tender nurse. He would mop her brow when she was feverish, gently feed her fine gruel because moving was too painful, and carefully clean and re-bandage her wound, modestly averting his gaze from her nakedness. She was touched and humbled by his devotion, and yet felt so completely unworthy, and tried to tell him so, but he was undeterred, refusing to leave her side except when she was asleep, which was much of the time, and for pressing matters of state.

She wondered at why he was being so kind to her. He had told her they had been a mistake and she had accepted it. Obviously, he had never wanted her dead, and she knew that he would have any of his subjects cared for to the best of his ability if they had been injured in service to him. But she also feared that the _only_ reason he was being so kind was because she was hurt. She couldn't help but wonder if he would be so…servile…if she hadn't almost died. If it had been Isolde who had been hurt instead, would she even still be in Camelot, or would he have asked her to leave? She was too afraid to ask him, and he seemed only concerned with making sure she was taken care of, and didn't want anything to disturb her, or hinder her recovery. He always talked about the rebuilding that was going on to put Camelot back to rights after Morgana's path of destruction. He also kept her up-to-date on matters at Court and asked her for her counsel and advice if there was an issue that he was concerned about. It felt very domestic, like what she had imagined marriage to Arthur might have been like if she hadn't betrayed him. And it was so…nice. She felt in the pit of her stomach that it could not last, and she was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. She just knew that as soon as she was well enough to go, he would ask her to leave, so she was determined to leave before he asked her to. She was too much of a coward to have to hear him tell her to leave again. It had almost killed her the first time.

It was only when she was feeling good enough to get out of bed that she managed to escape from Arthur's chambers. He had been called away on business and she thought it would be the perfect opportunity to slip away unseen. She only had a vague idea of where she might go—first to her old cottage to see if she could scavenge some supplies—but she thought it would be prudent to leave. The more that he did for her the more unworthy she felt, and the guilt was crushing her. She even managed to get to the end of the corridor before she was stopped by Sir Percival.

"And where do you think you are going, my lady?" he asked, raising a brow in curiosity.

"I am no lady."

"But you are. You showed courage and great nobility when you saved the king's life, and he has rewarded you with a title. You are now the Countess of Lyoness."

Guinevere gasped in surprise. "That can't be true…"

"I suppose it hasn't been made official yet, as you have been an invalid, but everyone is talking about it. Ever since the King announced it."

Gwen wondered at his words. Why would the King give her a title? Was he trying to pay her off? Get rid of her guilt-free? But she was distracted from her thoughts when Percy continued, "Now, again I'm going to ask you where you were going…"

"I was just…leaving…I cannot be a distraction to Arthur anymore. He has much more pressing matters than to take care of me."

"And just how far do you imagine you could get hobbling as you are? You are not well. You need your rest." With those words he lifted her up into his arms and carried her back to Arthur's quarters mindful of her wound and doing his best not to jolt her too much.

She protested weakly, but knew there was not much she could do, so she meekly acquiesced and let him settle her back on the bed. Then he left, and she tried to occupy her time by finding something to clean, but Merlin had been remarkably good in his cleaning duties, and she couldn't find anything that needed tidying, so she occupied her time counting the number of threads on the embroidery of Arthur's pillows and trying not to think about how she must leave when she was able. But soon Arthur was back.

"What's this I hear about you trying to leave?" he asked her pointedly.

"My lord," she said, unable to look him in the eye, "you have been ever so kind and caring of me, but I'm afraid I've outstayed my welcome. It's not right for me to stay here in your bedchambers and take advantage of your hospitality."

Arthur's face scrunched up with exasperation. "My lord? Take advantage of my _hospitality_? There's no need to be so formal." He sighed deeply. "I had hoped that I was showing some humility. That I was doing something kind for you, to show you how much I respect you."

Gwen was moved by his words, stunned that he remembered what she had said to him all those years ago. But she was afraid to believe him, because despite her own guilt, there was a part of her that had felt betrayed by him, that after everything they had gone through, he would just banish her. What if she did something he disliked, or they had a disagreement, would he banish her again? So she asked him cautiously, "But how can you respect me when you don't trust me? I betrayed you, and you banished me for it."

Arthur flinched at her words. "I never should have banished you."

"But you had every right to."

"Perhaps I had the right, but it was not the _right_ thing to do. I was hurt and angry, but you didn't deserve to be banished." Sitting down next to her on the bed, he took her chin into his hand so that he could force her to look up at him. When he had her attention, he continued in a soft voice filled with remorse. "Merlin told me that you had been forced to become a serving girl for Helios, and turned into a deer by Morgana. If I hadn't had you banished you never would have been put in such danger, and I'm sorry for it."

"It was not your fault. The fault belongs with me. I was the one who betrayed you and I cannot forgive myself."

"Don't. Please." Arthur closed his eyes, pained to hear her words of self-recrimination. Then he opened his eyes and looked at her, his eyes filled with tenderness. "I have given that a lot of thought as well, and though it hurts me to think of you with _him_ , with Lancelot," he said clearing his throat, "I can understand it as well. You thought he was dead. But if you tell me now that you never loved him, I will believe you. I don't care about what happened before. All I know is that I don't want to ever lose you. You scared me half to death, and all I could do was regret all of the things I did to hurt you, and all of things I never told you, and I promised myself that if you got better I would never let you go."

Tears filled her eyes. She wanted to believe him so badly, but she was still afraid. "But what if I hadn't been injured? Wouldn't you have wanted me to return to Ealdor? After we made love, you said that we were a mistake. Is that why you have given me a title? So that you can send me away?"

"No, Guinevere. I don't want to send you away. I never want to be parted from you again, and I felt that way even before you were injured. It was only I was being a prat because I had lost my confidence. I felt so hurt and betrayed, not only by you, but my uncle, and my sister…I didn't think I could tell who I can truly trust any more. But I know I can trust you. And I know I can't help who lies to me and tries to hurt me, but I know that you would never and have never tried to hurt me on purpose, and though you have hurt me, and will probably hurt me in the future, I can forgive you because I love you, and I know that you love me. And I hope you will forgive me for breaking your trust, for hurting you, for losing my faith in you."

She was filled with profound relief and happiness at his words. She hadn't realized until that moment, but his words were exactly what she needed to hear. Hope unfurled inside her, spreading from her heart until her veins fairly sang with it. "Oh, Arthur, I love so much, and I don't deserve you, but if you'll have me, I am yours."

Arthur pulled her into his arms, and careful of her wound, hugged her as tightly to him as he dared, feeling happier and more secure than he had felt since he broke off their engagement. Even after he had won back his kingdom, it had felt like a hollow victory with Gwen's life hanging in the balance. But now that she was in his arms and he had forgiven her, he felt freer than he had ever felt before. It was like a great weight had been lifted from his heart and he could finally breathe again. He pulled back so that he could look her in the eyes and then asked the only question that mattered anymore. "Will you marry me?"

She smiled. "Yes! With all my heart!" And when she smiled it lit up her face and he felt as if he was looking at the bright warmth of the sun, and he felt content. He kissed her breathless, but then pulled away abruptly, remembering something important. He jumped out of bed to retrieve an object he had put away for safekeeping. "I have something to give you. I found it in the woods during the festival of Ostara and the sight of it prevented me from making a terrible mistake." He took her hand into his and slid her engagement ring onto her finger where it belonged.

"My ring! I thought I'd lost it and would never see it again. After I was taken by Helios it was the only thing I had to remember you by, and I was devastated to lose it."

"When I saw it I could hardly believe that it was real, and it filled me with dread that something had happened to you. But it also reminded me that I still loved you and I wasn't ready to move on."

"Then I'm glad that you found it, and I'm grateful to you for returning it." She held her hand up in display and smiled at him.

"And to answer your question earlier, I thought to give you a title to make marrying you easier. If you were a man, and you had saved my life, I would have knighted you. But seeing as you are a woman, and a beautiful one at that," he grinned rakishly, "I did not think knighting you to be appropriate. But I _can_ give you property. Lyoness is a small castle along the southwestern borders of this kingdom. It belonged to my mother, so I think it only fitting that it should belong to my future wife. And everyone knows of your courage and bravery in saving my life. So no one could protest me rewarding you, or why I would I forgive you for your indiscretion. And if you have a title and property, even though you are a commoner by birth, you are Countess by royal appointment and the other nobles will have less of a reason to protest our marriage."

"That's brilliant, Arthur. I never would have thought of that. But I didn't save your life for the reward."

"I know and I thank you for saving me. And I'll thank you to never do that again! I don't know what I would have done if you had died because of me." Even now, remembering how pale and small she had looked as her life's blood spilled out of her, made his chest feel tight with fear.

Gwen reached up to cup his face in her hand. "You would have grieved for me, but then you would have put away your grief so that you could be the king that this land needs. You couldn't and you shouldn't let my life or death deter you from being that king."

But Arthur shook his head. "I'm nothing without you. Whatever makes me good is because I have you there beside me encouraging me. I tried to live without you once, and I couldn't do it. You bring out the best in me, and I don't want to live without you ever again."

"Then I promise you, my lord, the only way I'll leave you is in death, and I don't intend to die any time soon." She grinned and he kissed her.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I hope this conclusion satisfies your questions about whether or not Gwen and Arthur can trust each other again. Please let me know what you think.


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